I did get some workouts done earlier in the week but I am not going to focus on them. Instead I am going to talk about the additional things I am doing for (and sometimes to the detriment of) my mental health.
I am prone to depression or simply just ‘being unable to see things for what they are’. So when things that are ACTUALLY tough hit, I am rendered nearly helpless.These goggles cloud my perception but they influence my reality and then my reality takes it out on my friends and family. I become unable to do the things I want to do. I get bogged down in restless thoughts. I have been teetering on this precipice for the past few weeks.
So when a great friend offered me a chance at rest, relaxation, and spa, this was not something I would turn down.
Because I had to drive on one of the worst days for roads and snowfall I was glued to highway hotline and AMA road reports sites. Okay, I may have been also glued to twitter, numerous Facebook groups, and the radio as well. Making the decision to travel was smart. I had clear visibility and often times a very boring drive. Especially when my daughter won’t respond to my questions because she was reading her new Ivy and Bean book, Judy Moody, or watching a DVD.
But I took it slower just to be cautious.
I had also planned to drive the entire way Thursday but because I left earlier (and partially to appease my mother) I decided to stop somewhere for the night. I am not without awesome people along the road and so we stayed with my cousin and his family. Also hearing the next morning that the roads maybe needed a plow from the overnight snow, I detoured to a friend’s house to have breakfast with her family.
Then when I got to my destination, my family came to my rescue. My cousin watched my daughter while my friend and I had facials. And that evening for the hotel stay, supper, and massages, my aunt was generous enough to keep her for a sleepover.
Not knowing what was going on throughout the weekend caused me a lot of worry but being blessed by awesome people made it possible.
I have been working on this. I still suck at it so let us move on.
Some days I struggle just to float over the garbage (the stuff inside and out). On my trip on the weekend I was able to float like nothing else (mostly due to the mineral pool). I have my own personal mantra right now: Just Don’t Sink.
An Exercise in Forgiveness
I am not perfect at anything I do. My process with these workouts, my job, my anger, my parenting, and in every other facet of my life I am keenly aware of my own inadequacies. I need to forgive myself and move on. I need to forgive others and move on. I need forgiveness to move on.
****We will get back to our regularly scheduled blog about me hurting my body and pretending to know what I am doing this week.